6 ways to grieve properly

Hello, my name is Ailanna, and welcome to my blog Life of Ailanna. The reason that I do this is to write and offer my advice to people who may need it. 

You may be asking yourself. Why should I care about this article about grieving? The tips that I have for you, will be beneficial to help you grieve for a loved one or friend. 

When I grieve over a loved one, it is never easy because it come with a lot of stages and challenges. People will come up to you and tell you that they are sorry for your loss and telling how that person was to them.

1. Take every day one day at a time

When your loved one or someone that is close to you passes away, it can be the hardest thing to deal with or handle.

When I first lost my mother, I felt like my entire world came crashing down and I was in complete denial. Everyone was always consoling me and telling me that everything will be okay, but I did not believe it at all. I learned the other day in my Professor Dr. Shoemaker Psychology that there are five reactions to death which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I’ve been able to experience all five of those stages more than once in my life.

It took me a while to get there and believe what everyone was saying. Grief is not something that you can just easily get over. It takes a lot of time to personally grief over that person that meant something to you.

2. It is okay to cry

When my mom first passed, I would stay strong around my family members but behind close doors I would bawl like a baby. I would always hear them asking me if I am okay, how am I holding up. I would tell people my story about my mom people would end up ask me how do I stay so strong. I would tell them all sorts of things like my mom would want me to, she would tell me to stay strong and she was a very strong person. 

After a while, I started not staying strong anymore because people would say to me it’s OK to stay strong but it’s also OK to cry. I would immediately just start breaking down in front of them after they would tell me that. You can only keep yourself locked in and bottled up for so long.

3. Remember the good memories

The good times, all the laughs and happy tears. Every moment that you have shared with that person. Every picture(s) or video(s) that you have should be able to help enhance that specific memory in your brain.

It is fine if you can’t remember those memories thoroughly because that person had just passed away recently but somehow those memories will be able to flow through you. It just takes time and patience.

4. Depression

Depression is a thing in a space of your life that will hit you like a ton of bricks and make you feel like you are on a rollercoaster of your own emotions.

There will be days where you will want to stay in your room or place all day and procrastinate for either a day, or a week, or etc. Every has their own individual way of healing and getting over the hardships of their lives.

When my mom had pass away, it took me a very long time to grief over her loss and move on with my life because that’s what she would have wanted me to do but always keep her memory in my heart.

I would just frolic, procrastinate and watch Netflix or any form of streaming app for any kind of entertainment to keep me from crying. Before then, I could not keep my tears in my eyes for the dear life of me.

Journaling is very efficient way to get things out and to be able to allow yourself to heal. Mediation is also helpful as well.

5. Counseling

When my mother passed away, it took me a while to seek counseling because I had already seeked counseling prior to my mother’s death. With today’s day in age, people have misconceptions about counseling because of other people accounts of their experiences.

I’ve found that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is very beneficial & helpful because it allows you to find new ways to cope with things and help develop a coping toolbox. 

There are times where I didn’t want to CBT because of the fact of reintroducing myself to a new therapist every single time that I meet a new therapist. 

Just check with your insurance provider to see either a counselor, therapist, or psychologist in your area. Insurance is also something to deal with as well because with some insurances they will only allow you to have a certain number of sessions for free. The rest of the remaining sessions, you would end up come having to coming out of pocket due to certain programs that insurances provide. 

6. Dance it Out

I know this sounds corny but letting your issues go and dancing out your issues with yourself or someone you trust. I got this method from Grey’s Anatomy. 

Once you actually start to do it, you may not think anything bad of it anymore. All you would have to do is put on music that you love or will get you going. Then just start dancing it out. Dance like no one’s watching.

I have done this method before with some of my issues and it has proven to be effective to me, but everyone is different and has methods of coping in their coping toolbox.

“Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.”

-Earl Grollman